My Holidays


New Year's

Hurrary! Hurrah! In a hot-air baloon, the dog does his business on the world below. Shazam! Shazam! A new year touches down, full of hope. Bad, bad doggie.

Valentine's Day

Sleeping, now waking, to a place named in silence. Cheese on a pillar. You've overslept again. Wake up, wake up! The cheese is not real!

Presidents' Day

A tounge falling asleep. An eyedropped filled with gold. I have no school today. We drive to the store and I get a soccer ball. In the park, I kick it too hard and bruise my dad in the shins. Protect me, St. Mongo, patron saint of Belfast, from his horrible wrath! Use your magical powers of catching fish who have swallowed rings! But he buys me ice cream.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Three pirates on the high seas. They are the best of friends. Their parrots have eyepatches, ha ha. They killed a man because he had the eyes of a fish, which the pirates were very tired of, fish I mean, but they felt bad about it afterwards, and besides, that's only a third of a man each, which is not enough to buy your way into heaven, my friend Marvin tells me.

St. Patrick's Day

Marvin was very silly. On St. Patrick's day, he wore all white to school. He did not wear green! It was supposed to be a robe, but it looked like a bathrobe. Martin had his soap and his brush, the one he used to wash his back. Raising it above his head, Marvin chanted in a language none of us knew. Teacher took away his soap and Tommy Johnson stuck his hand in his armpit. I told Marvin not to worry about it too much.

Easter

One Easter Sunday the easter bunny forgot it was Easter. Oh no! He hopped among the hills languidly, eating carrots, while everywhere people could not hunt for easter eggs or eat candy. Where is that fucking rabbit, children everywhere cried. Is he drunk off his fucking fat furry ass again, they asked.

The Day After Easter

The Easter bunny realized his mistake and delivered the eggs.

Labor Day

When I grow up, I will go to work in the morning at the office. My secretary will bring me coffee and I will put frosting in it because I can. Also, because I work for a frosting company.

Fourth of July

This year, the fireworks exploded in words. "Particle!" they burst, and "Garden hose!" before building up to "It is not a matter of taste so much as the will of a child trapped in his own land," and the grand finale but I can't remember that. They had a good harvest from the word trees this year.

Memorial Day

Most like a turnip: Bill. He had a head of lettuce, ha ha. Look at the drawing.
[drawing not included]

The Day Before Halloween

Wolfman kills a pumpkin for calling me Dracula. I hallucinate again and think I am older, with a child who I take to the carnival. The sun does not set, but maybe I just forgot, or it forgot, or I dreamed that too.

Halloween

Just in time: a present wrapped! For me! Carpetbaggers in the hallways of my mind, selling patent medicine named after Smurfs whose labels feature the pictures of airport terminals. A man with half his beard shaved off is on the subway today and he has a wolf puppet. He makes the wolf puppet move and it touches my nose. The other people in the car laugh. I think of muslin, and velour. It feels different.

Thanksgiving

Can we forgive those who we have eaten? Not Uncle Murray, that's for sure--I saw a swatch of his trademark checkered jacket in my stool the other evening. Marvin and his two friends walked through the woods, chatting, as friends do. The sun did set today.

Christmas

For Christmas this year I want closure.


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